It's Murder
"Oooo! There's a bird loose!" Says the womens quickly disappearing head as it disappears back out the door.
And this is my problem because?
I continue taking inventory of the equipment in the cages, trying my best to ignore the fluttering of wings coming from the large cabinet down the end. After a while a sigh escapes me.
She's not coming back is she. She's run off not told any body and left me to deal with this problem. Typical.
I Put the pen and paper down[1]
I don't see why this is my problem. Just because the bird got in here it's now my problem. Typical.
I move towards the cabinet.
Somebody leaves a door open and the bird flies in here, it's my problem. Typical.
Edging up to the side of the cabinet I gingerly put my fingers round the corner
Somebody moves a load of cages of equipment in here from outside and leaves the door open while they do it and a bird flies in here and suddenly its my problem. Typical.
I pull back on the cabinet to open a gap between it and the wall.
There's a loud fluttering and a bang as something hits the side of the cabinet, then a black blur shots out over my head pin wheeling down the corridor and hits the door at the opposite end.
It's a medium sized blackbird that looks distinctly and somewhat expectantly panicked. I always find there is something somewhat jarring and unnerving about a bird in a building. It's a general everyday thing put in a place that is completely out of context for it which makes it seem alien and weird, a bit like a straight guy at a Madonna concert, you know it happens but it just isn't right.
It waddles along by the wall then stops and looks at me fixing me with it's beady little eyes which convey the message
"Hey, I'm descended from a Dinosaur monkey boi. You come near me and I'll do what a Velociraptor would do to you. Well ok a Deinonychus as they were closer to the raptors shown in Jurassic Park, but most people just equate the Velociraptor to what was shown in Jurassic Park; so that is what the public commonly accept a Velociraptor to be. So that's the name I'm going to use despite its paleontological inaccuracy. Yeah; come near me and I'll do what a Velociraptor would do to you. Now is that clear, or would you like me to etch it on your arse with my beak.
Which is quiet a complicated message to convey when you have no noticeable facial expressions.
At that moment I hear a couple of voices coming down the staircase. Excellent some people I can pass the bird herding task off to. The door opens as I turn to greet them and I'm just in time to see heads disappearing back through it and a voice saying
"Fuck that Janet there's a bird in there! Lets just go back to my office and have an affair"[2]
Bastards!
“Ok bird, your ancestors may of been Dinosaurs but my ancestors where primates and we out evolved you, that's right, I'm going to get Darwin on yo arse, bitch!”
The bird takes a slow waddle towards me and experimentally flaps its wings in my direction.
Come on think man, we're an evolved civilisation, we must have something I can use here. We've invented the arts, literature, science, the combustion engine.....
My eyes search around the corridor
...and health and safety.
I pick up the wet floor sign that has been put out by the toilets and using it as a prodder herd the bird to the door to the outside world.
Finally we make it out the door to the narrow corridor style area between the main building and the generator building. The bird hopes and flutters forward a bit then looks round desperately then back at me.
"CAW"
I freeze the sound didn't come from the bird in front of me, but from above. I know that sound, that's the sound of a Crow. I slowly look up and all around there are Crows perched on the sides of the buildings looking down at me.
"Clever Girl" I mutter as I hear the door swing closed behind me; it automatically closes and can't be opened from the outside. My heart sinks.
"Ooo look at that lovely flock of Crows" someone says from a window above.
"Murder. Not a flock, it's a murder."
A flutter of wings.
[1] low tech is the new high tech.
[2] Ok they didn't say the last bit of that I was just tryign to spruce things up a bit. artistic license and all that.
"Oooo! There's a bird loose!" Says the womens quickly disappearing head as it disappears back out the door.
And this is my problem because?
I continue taking inventory of the equipment in the cages, trying my best to ignore the fluttering of wings coming from the large cabinet down the end. After a while a sigh escapes me.
She's not coming back is she. She's run off not told any body and left me to deal with this problem. Typical.
I Put the pen and paper down[1]
I don't see why this is my problem. Just because the bird got in here it's now my problem. Typical.
I move towards the cabinet.
Somebody leaves a door open and the bird flies in here, it's my problem. Typical.
Edging up to the side of the cabinet I gingerly put my fingers round the corner
Somebody moves a load of cages of equipment in here from outside and leaves the door open while they do it and a bird flies in here and suddenly its my problem. Typical.
I pull back on the cabinet to open a gap between it and the wall.
There's a loud fluttering and a bang as something hits the side of the cabinet, then a black blur shots out over my head pin wheeling down the corridor and hits the door at the opposite end.
It's a medium sized blackbird that looks distinctly and somewhat expectantly panicked. I always find there is something somewhat jarring and unnerving about a bird in a building. It's a general everyday thing put in a place that is completely out of context for it which makes it seem alien and weird, a bit like a straight guy at a Madonna concert, you know it happens but it just isn't right.
It waddles along by the wall then stops and looks at me fixing me with it's beady little eyes which convey the message
"Hey, I'm descended from a Dinosaur monkey boi. You come near me and I'll do what a Velociraptor would do to you. Well ok a Deinonychus as they were closer to the raptors shown in Jurassic Park, but most people just equate the Velociraptor to what was shown in Jurassic Park; so that is what the public commonly accept a Velociraptor to be. So that's the name I'm going to use despite its paleontological inaccuracy. Yeah; come near me and I'll do what a Velociraptor would do to you. Now is that clear, or would you like me to etch it on your arse with my beak.
Which is quiet a complicated message to convey when you have no noticeable facial expressions.
At that moment I hear a couple of voices coming down the staircase. Excellent some people I can pass the bird herding task off to. The door opens as I turn to greet them and I'm just in time to see heads disappearing back through it and a voice saying
"Fuck that Janet there's a bird in there! Lets just go back to my office and have an affair"[2]
Bastards!
“Ok bird, your ancestors may of been Dinosaurs but my ancestors where primates and we out evolved you, that's right, I'm going to get Darwin on yo arse, bitch!”
The bird takes a slow waddle towards me and experimentally flaps its wings in my direction.
Come on think man, we're an evolved civilisation, we must have something I can use here. We've invented the arts, literature, science, the combustion engine.....
My eyes search around the corridor
...and health and safety.
I pick up the wet floor sign that has been put out by the toilets and using it as a prodder herd the bird to the door to the outside world.
Finally we make it out the door to the narrow corridor style area between the main building and the generator building. The bird hopes and flutters forward a bit then looks round desperately then back at me.
"CAW"
I freeze the sound didn't come from the bird in front of me, but from above. I know that sound, that's the sound of a Crow. I slowly look up and all around there are Crows perched on the sides of the buildings looking down at me.
"Clever Girl" I mutter as I hear the door swing closed behind me; it automatically closes and can't be opened from the outside. My heart sinks.
"Ooo look at that lovely flock of Crows" someone says from a window above.
"Murder. Not a flock, it's a murder."
A flutter of wings.
[1] low tech is the new high tech.
[2] Ok they didn't say the last bit of that I was just tryign to spruce things up a bit. artistic license and all that.
