Stupid Call Centre Plans Rant.


Ok this post will probably need some background info on my job and the NHS in general if it is going to make sense to anybody and not just be a self indulgant rant (although that's probably what it will become). So here goes.

Recently(ish) the goverment decided to modernise the NHS and bring it into the 21st century and allow easy sharing of patient records accross the country, so say if you lived in London but where on holiday in Blackpool and got injured the A&E there could get access to your medical history. To do this they have introduced a "Spine" system, which is just a snazzy name for saying it's connected via broadband connection (N3). They also decided that they would break up the country and sell of its various parts (e.g. South East, London ect.) to companies who would provide the IT support for it, these are called the Local service Providers (LSP's).
The upshot of this is as our motley crew¹ have been tasked with taking all the IT support calls for surrounding areas, with our LSP Accenture, being our boss.
I'm sure thats about as clear as mud now, I don't fully understand whats been going on myself as it's all been done round here behind closed doors with smoke and mirrors. Anyway onto my actual post.

Just finished a four hour training session from a guy from NPfIT² on how to use the new helpdesk call logging procedure. Four long hours on how to log a call! In which they slowly explained that you need to take the name of the person whos calling, the telephone number and all sorts of other obvious stuff. Then proceded to tell us to ask them what error messages they had on screen, this took about two and a half hours. Christ what do they think we've been doing all this time, we know how to log a call!

This next bit is brilliant. I'll lay it out in bullet points for you.

1. User has a problem and rings us.
2. We have a look at the problem, if its a local problem, we sort. If its some national program thing we log a call with LSP
3. LSP ring us back when they have a fix.
4. We ring user to ask them to try new fix. If fixed GOTO 5 IF NOT GOTO 1.
5. We ring LSP to tell them it's fixed.

Also there are extra companys who provide national software that the LSP's might have to ring if so it goes something like this.

1. User has a problem and rings us.
2. We have a look at the problem, national program thing we log a call with LSP
3. LSP ring national software guys (hereafter refered to as NSG's)
4. LSP ring us to tell us its gone to NSG's
5. We ring user to tell them that LSP has told us it's gone to NSG's
6. We cop a earfull from users.
7. NSG's ring LSP to tell them to try a fix
8. LSP ring us to tell us to try a fix
9. we ring user to tell them to try a fix.
10. If not fixed GOTO 2. IF fix GOTO 11.
11. We ring LSP to tell them it's fixed.
12. LSP ring NSG to tell them it's fixed.

You'll note that at no point does the user get to talk to anyone but us, the amount of phone calls that can arise from this procedure is stupid, also there is the chinese wispers factor on the solutions. Idiotic, I tells ya.
What kinda daft skullfuckery is that! Grrrrr I'm off for a loud scream in the server room now.
Don't think I'll lose my job over disceminating this information as it's all avalible under the Freedom of information act anyway, but one can hope.


1. Once described as "the Punk Rock outfit of the NHS"
2. Sorry thats the National Program for IT - it's what their calling the modernisation.

Look Where Civil Libities Get You

London has become a “feeding ground for hate” and a “crossroads for would-be terrorists” where Muslims exploit civil liberties to “openly preach jihad”, according to newspapers in the United States…

…Relying primarily on the analysis of US terrorism experts,

One should point out that this is a group noted worldwide for their accurate and entirely independent analysis.

They argue that the government’s reluctance to enforce stricter surveillance and anti-terror legislation for fear of upsetting Muslims has left the UK and the rest of Europe more vulnerable to terrorism…

…In the Wall Street Journal, the former head of the State Department’s counter-terrorism centre, Larry Johnson, said Britain had been too squeamish about respecting Muslims’ rights.

Becasue as we all know letting people have rights is good but letting them exercise them is bad.

In a comment piece, Mr (Peter) Bergen questions whether America’s safety is compromised by allowing Britons to come to the US without a visa, given “the reality that Islamic militant groups in Britain … represent a growing threat to the United States that will continue for many years to come”. So entrenched is the British capital as an outpost of the Muslim diaspora, that London is now commonly referred to as “Londonistan” - a word used several times in different papers.

Oh how foolish we've been! letting men with beards and wear little hats hats roam the streets of our cities. This flagrant disregard for oppressive values is intollerable and will lead ot our downfall.

If only our media had warned us of the dangers of the Evil Islamic ways, if only they had pointed out that London was had become Londonistan. If only they had pointed out that groups of people in London didn't like America, the Land of freedom, happyness and fluffy bunnies. We could of done something about it before we became a hotbed for terrorist activity, which the evil doers have been exploiting for years.

Sadly though, inferior journalism means we will now pay the price. This country must resign itself to a role as host to fanatics, suicide bombers and men with beards and little hats, and of course the inevitable surgical strikes from our American saviours who will come and purge our lands with the cleansing weapons.

And we only have ourselves to blame.