Film Review: I Am Legend

I saw A trailer for I Am Legend a while back and remember thinking that it looked a lot like a remake of The Omega Man, (which in itself is a remake of a previous film, the name eludes me at the moment but it stared Vincent Price.) which as I'm sure I don't have to tell you was a totally kick arse film.
Indeed a little searching of the interwebs seems to reveal that I AM Legend is a remake of The Omega Man

Sadly while The Omega man kicked butt, I Am Legend was terrible and as much as I would like to end the review here, unlike the I Am Legend writers I actually finish what I start.

It's the near future, 2012 if you must know, the entire human race has been wiped out apart from The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air who drives round in a sports car hunting deer with a AR-15 Assault Rife. Dispite being a Colonel in the army he couldn't hit a barn door from two feet away, if he was inside, had unlimited ammo, and unlimited time. In fairness I suppose he is in the U.S. army so I shouldn't be surprised that he can't shoot the deer, after all their not his allies.
Of course though it's not just bullet dodging deer that inhabit the world with him. No sir, it's also revealed to us that in the 3 years since everybody has died, that Lions have started roaming round New York city. Now I realise that my Geography isn't that great but don't lions live in Kenya? and isn't New York roughly 7,413 miles away from Kenya? The Pride of Lions have no trouble catching the deer and so are stealing The Fresh Princes lunch, and even worse then that as the Lions have a baby with them and this is a PG-13 movie he can't shoot the Lions and have his lunch. But it's ok The Fresh Prince has a well stocked larder, mainly because he has the entire worlds food supply to himself.
Oh as well as Deer and Lions there are also strange ghoul type monsters which come out at night, presumably because they are all suffering from Xeroderma pigmentosum, well either that or they're all goths. Sadly they lack the cool zombie/ghoul cult style that "The Family" had and are just very badly computer generated creatures which are about as scary as a Teletubbie, actually scratch that Teletubbies are quiet scary, they're about as scary as a lump of cheese. They are of course the human race as it is now.
Luckily for them The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air wasn't only a Colonel in the army but he's also a top notch scientist boffin who is working on a cure to the diesease.
Inevitably a hot sexy women turns up with child in tow and chaos ensues.

So to sum up, two plus two makes four and I Am Legend is the biggest pile of bilge I have ever had the misfortune to watch. It's so bad that I am thinking of building a time machine so I can go back in time, find myself before I go into see the movie and jam rusty forks into my eyes to save me from having to watch it.