Christmas Covers
Well the snow is here, people are bringing dead trees from outside into their house and the goose is getting fatter; just like yo momma, bazinga! Yeah, that's right I went there.
This can of course only mean one thing, in the words of Noddy Holder "It's CHHHHHHRRRRIIIIIISSSSSTMAS!"
Which nicely brings me to today’s point: The Christmas Song. Specifically covers of Christmas songs at gigs over the festive period.
Now Christmas gigs themselves are great fun, there's lots of drinking, dancing, singing, copulating and a good time is had by all. However sorting out and playing a Christmas song is a nightmare affair akin to being stuck in a lift with the cast of Glee; the smug song ruining feckers I hope Journey take a restraining order out on you, so you can't come with in one hundred songs[1] of Don't Stop Believing after what you did to it; the poor thing.
First of all there's the deciding what song to play. Which of course means listening to vacuous whiney piles of bilge, so you don't get shocked by the depth of musical offal that are Christmas songs.
From the just wrong opening synth bass of Wonderful Christmas Time [2] to the insidious Cliff Richard [3] song Mistletoe and Wine, Christmas songs make any right minded person want to bury there head in quickly drying cement to escape the din.
There are essentially two choices when doing a Christmas cover. You either go for an old traditional song such as one of the carols like Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful or The Holly and The Ivy. Of course this opens up a whole can of worms as although you've got the basic tune to the song there is nothing really to it and you'll have to flesh it out and pretty much write the song, otherwise you're left playing the basic parts like you're back at school being forced by your music teacher to perform the song in front of the whole school at assembly. I mean come on Teach nobodies enjoying it the only thing that's going to happen here is I'm going to get an atomic wedgie from the bullies for them having to listen to it.
Consequently there is a lot more time and work involved doing it this way. Plus even Ronnie James Dio's version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen was only just alright and he's a rock legend, so what chance do you have of making one of these songs sound good? None that's what.
The second option is of course to go with a more famous and popular song such as Do They Know It's Christmas? Or Happy Xmas (War Is Over) [1]. Now you might think these will be easy and fun to do. After all the music has already been written for them so essentially all you have to do is learn your parts and you're done.
Hey now that you've learnt it why don't you spruce it up a bit and make it unique to your band? Why not change some bits so that it flows better? That would be a good idea wouldn't it.
WRONG! There is no room for interpretations or putting your own spin on it! It has to be exactly like it was recorded by the artist otherwise, no matter how well you play it, no matter that it actually sounds better then the original recording, you will get a gang of people who have had to much egg nog threatening to do something anatomically impossible to you and screaming that you ruined the song.
Of course the tricksy Hobbits amongst you will have spotted the hidden third option. Don't do a Christmas cover. Yeah, 'cos that'll work Einstein! Not playing a Christmas cover at a Christmas gig is like doing a no.2 on a plate then shoving it in David Cameron's smug Tory face; something you want to do but social conventions mean you can’t [4].
No at a Christmas gig your performance is always, unfairly, based on your Christmas cover. So if you don't play one, no matter how blindingly awesome your set was you will be greeted by a sea of faces looking up at you expectantly waiting for the cover. So if you're playing a Christmas gig you must do a Christmas cover, ipso facto.
So whatever you do you're screwed.
Unfortunately other commitments mean we aren't playing any Christmas gigs, which is something I'm sad about as I like them. I am glad though that we don't have to do any Christmas covers as I hate them. No if you'll excuse me I'm off to celebrate Christmas by watching that quintessential Christmas movie Die Hard.
[1]To be worked out in the same way as the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game.
[2]What a surprise another woefully aweful song from a former Beatles band member.
[3]Seriously what is up with that guy. There's just something off about him, you know. Like I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a serial killer or something.
[4]Plus after you did it you would get a kicking from his bodyguards.
Well the snow is here, people are bringing dead trees from outside into their house and the goose is getting fatter; just like yo momma, bazinga! Yeah, that's right I went there.
This can of course only mean one thing, in the words of Noddy Holder "It's CHHHHHHRRRRIIIIIISSSSSTMAS!"
Which nicely brings me to today’s point: The Christmas Song. Specifically covers of Christmas songs at gigs over the festive period.
Now Christmas gigs themselves are great fun, there's lots of drinking, dancing, singing, copulating and a good time is had by all. However sorting out and playing a Christmas song is a nightmare affair akin to being stuck in a lift with the cast of Glee; the smug song ruining feckers I hope Journey take a restraining order out on you, so you can't come with in one hundred songs[1] of Don't Stop Believing after what you did to it; the poor thing.
First of all there's the deciding what song to play. Which of course means listening to vacuous whiney piles of bilge, so you don't get shocked by the depth of musical offal that are Christmas songs.
From the just wrong opening synth bass of Wonderful Christmas Time [2] to the insidious Cliff Richard [3] song Mistletoe and Wine, Christmas songs make any right minded person want to bury there head in quickly drying cement to escape the din.
There are essentially two choices when doing a Christmas cover. You either go for an old traditional song such as one of the carols like Silent Night, O Come All Ye Faithful or The Holly and The Ivy. Of course this opens up a whole can of worms as although you've got the basic tune to the song there is nothing really to it and you'll have to flesh it out and pretty much write the song, otherwise you're left playing the basic parts like you're back at school being forced by your music teacher to perform the song in front of the whole school at assembly. I mean come on Teach nobodies enjoying it the only thing that's going to happen here is I'm going to get an atomic wedgie from the bullies for them having to listen to it.
Consequently there is a lot more time and work involved doing it this way. Plus even Ronnie James Dio's version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen was only just alright and he's a rock legend, so what chance do you have of making one of these songs sound good? None that's what.
The second option is of course to go with a more famous and popular song such as Do They Know It's Christmas? Or Happy Xmas (War Is Over) [1]. Now you might think these will be easy and fun to do. After all the music has already been written for them so essentially all you have to do is learn your parts and you're done.
Hey now that you've learnt it why don't you spruce it up a bit and make it unique to your band? Why not change some bits so that it flows better? That would be a good idea wouldn't it.
WRONG! There is no room for interpretations or putting your own spin on it! It has to be exactly like it was recorded by the artist otherwise, no matter how well you play it, no matter that it actually sounds better then the original recording, you will get a gang of people who have had to much egg nog threatening to do something anatomically impossible to you and screaming that you ruined the song.
Of course the tricksy Hobbits amongst you will have spotted the hidden third option. Don't do a Christmas cover. Yeah, 'cos that'll work Einstein! Not playing a Christmas cover at a Christmas gig is like doing a no.2 on a plate then shoving it in David Cameron's smug Tory face; something you want to do but social conventions mean you can’t [4].
No at a Christmas gig your performance is always, unfairly, based on your Christmas cover. So if you don't play one, no matter how blindingly awesome your set was you will be greeted by a sea of faces looking up at you expectantly waiting for the cover. So if you're playing a Christmas gig you must do a Christmas cover, ipso facto.
So whatever you do you're screwed.
Unfortunately other commitments mean we aren't playing any Christmas gigs, which is something I'm sad about as I like them. I am glad though that we don't have to do any Christmas covers as I hate them. No if you'll excuse me I'm off to celebrate Christmas by watching that quintessential Christmas movie Die Hard.
[1]To be worked out in the same way as the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game.
[2]What a surprise another woefully aweful song from a former Beatles band member.
[3]Seriously what is up with that guy. There's just something off about him, you know. Like I wouldn't be surprised if he turned out to be a serial killer or something.
[4]Plus after you did it you would get a kicking from his bodyguards.
