Master Class - Choose Your Weapon
Hello there pop-pickers! And welcome to the first Master Class. A segment where I will be dropping knowledge bombs on you. Bombs you will need to survive in the war known as playing in a band. Bombs that will explode sending burning hot learning shards into your brains. No, wait a minute; then you'd be dead.
Alright obviously you'll have to do some disarming of aforementioned bombs. Then some reverse engineering on them to make your own bombs that you can then launch. It won't stop there though. Soon you'll build bigger and more powerful bombs with which to launch at each other and eventually you'll make a bomb so big, it will result in the mutual destruction of all.
No, wait a minute; then we'll all be dead; very smart, but dead.
Ok, I'm just going to hand out some knowledge pamphlets instead. I mean you'll probably not take them or anything and give me a wide berth. Like you do that guy in the centre of town preaching about the end of the world.
Just who do you think you are to be so judgmental of him? For all you know he could of been sent back in time to prevent the destruction of mankind at the hands of giant insects. How dare you mock him, after all he's been through; ingrate.
Well what better place to start of these master classes then with some pro tips on choosing your instrument. No, I don't mean what type of instrument you're going to play. I mean what TYPE of instrument you're going to play. Now I'm really just going to be talking about guitars here. For you other musicians remember:
* Drummers. Just get as many drums and cymbals as you can. These will help to obscure your Joe Merrick like appearance.
* Keyboardists: Yeah; nothing can make your instrument look cool. You could get a Keytar though; we could all do with a laugh.
* Vocalists: It's a microphone. So long as it picks up your voice you're ok. Just don't get one of those rubbish looking hands free Captain Scarlett ones that seem to be all the rage with pop stars these days.
Guitarists, bassists or regular. A lot of people will yammer on about sound quality, which type of pickups to use, number of frets, intonation and other such guff but if your going to get anywhere in a rock band what you really need is a guitar with sweet ass aesthetics. Seriously I can't stress this enough; it doesn't matter how well you play, if you don't have a cool looking guitar nobody is going to care.
Don't believe me? Alright let me enlighten you. Take Gene Simmons, bass player for KISS. He's super famous, wipes his arse with $100 bills because he has that much money, has had numerous sexual encounters with women that are so far out of the league it's a disgrace and he is currently shacked up with Playboy Playmate Shannon Tweed! Why? Because he's a great musician? Hell No! This is a man who's bass playing could be described as terrible at best. Seriously go and watch one of his bass solos on YouTube. Then get your self to hospital as you'll have ripped your ears off to avoid hearing any more. It would sound better if the bass was just thrown down a flight of stairs
However his bass was shaped like a freaking axe ergo instant rock star.
So remember your instrument is a reflection of you. You don't want to look boring do you? No I didn't think so. Make sure you pick the most interesting looking instrument there is, you're looking for sloping angles, sharp spikes and cool colours. Remember your guitar should always look like its moving even when it's not.
Keep Rockin'
-Wallz
Hello there pop-pickers! And welcome to the first Master Class. A segment where I will be dropping knowledge bombs on you. Bombs you will need to survive in the war known as playing in a band. Bombs that will explode sending burning hot learning shards into your brains. No, wait a minute; then you'd be dead.
Alright obviously you'll have to do some disarming of aforementioned bombs. Then some reverse engineering on them to make your own bombs that you can then launch. It won't stop there though. Soon you'll build bigger and more powerful bombs with which to launch at each other and eventually you'll make a bomb so big, it will result in the mutual destruction of all.
No, wait a minute; then we'll all be dead; very smart, but dead.
Ok, I'm just going to hand out some knowledge pamphlets instead. I mean you'll probably not take them or anything and give me a wide berth. Like you do that guy in the centre of town preaching about the end of the world.
Just who do you think you are to be so judgmental of him? For all you know he could of been sent back in time to prevent the destruction of mankind at the hands of giant insects. How dare you mock him, after all he's been through; ingrate.
Well what better place to start of these master classes then with some pro tips on choosing your instrument. No, I don't mean what type of instrument you're going to play. I mean what TYPE of instrument you're going to play. Now I'm really just going to be talking about guitars here. For you other musicians remember:
* Drummers. Just get as many drums and cymbals as you can. These will help to obscure your Joe Merrick like appearance.
* Keyboardists: Yeah; nothing can make your instrument look cool. You could get a Keytar though; we could all do with a laugh.
* Vocalists: It's a microphone. So long as it picks up your voice you're ok. Just don't get one of those rubbish looking hands free Captain Scarlett ones that seem to be all the rage with pop stars these days.
Guitarists, bassists or regular. A lot of people will yammer on about sound quality, which type of pickups to use, number of frets, intonation and other such guff but if your going to get anywhere in a rock band what you really need is a guitar with sweet ass aesthetics. Seriously I can't stress this enough; it doesn't matter how well you play, if you don't have a cool looking guitar nobody is going to care.
Don't believe me? Alright let me enlighten you. Take Gene Simmons, bass player for KISS. He's super famous, wipes his arse with $100 bills because he has that much money, has had numerous sexual encounters with women that are so far out of the league it's a disgrace and he is currently shacked up with Playboy Playmate Shannon Tweed! Why? Because he's a great musician? Hell No! This is a man who's bass playing could be described as terrible at best. Seriously go and watch one of his bass solos on YouTube. Then get your self to hospital as you'll have ripped your ears off to avoid hearing any more. It would sound better if the bass was just thrown down a flight of stairs
However his bass was shaped like a freaking axe ergo instant rock star.
So remember your instrument is a reflection of you. You don't want to look boring do you? No I didn't think so. Make sure you pick the most interesting looking instrument there is, you're looking for sloping angles, sharp spikes and cool colours. Remember your guitar should always look like its moving even when it's not.
Keep Rockin'
-Wallz
Labels: 6 Fingered Man, band
