A Sweet Car Problem.
The car is full of various empty sandwich boxes and empty sweet wrappers from the weekend trip; it's a bit of a mess really. I slip the key into the ignition and turn it one turn, the dash lights come on and I reach round and put my seatbelt on, it makes a satisfying click as it locks in place. I turn the key again to start the engine.
Now I'm not a big fancy high flying hot shot city mechanic but I would suspect at this point the engine should roar into life like some sort of mighty beast, possibly a lion or maybe a Wyvern. It should not, I suspect, do nothing. That's right a big fact nothing. The engine doesn't even attempt to start. The dashboard lights sit there alight saying everything is ship shape and ready to go. I apply my IT training to the problem and turn it all off then turn it all back on again. My master plan to sort it out is greeted with the same results.
I pop the bonnet up and have a look under it. Everything looks ship shape; it all looks good there are no leaks or anything. I try reseating a lot of the cables then try the car again, but still nothing.
Time is now ticking on and I'm now going to be late for work so I retreat to the house and to tell them that I'm going to be late for work because my car wouldn't start. I open the door to the stench of Golgotha. Like some sort of floppy eared, wet nosed ninja Cujo had sneaked down the stairs the instant I was out of the door and left me a large present for when I got home. I informed her that I did not want her present and cleaned it up and through it out. I then phoned work. The helpdesk monkey took my tirade of abuse about my car in his stride and happily told me that he'd pass the message on. After checking on the internet for bus times and finding I had a twenty minute wait so after having a ponderence on what to do about the car. This was a car that was meant to be saving me money after my initial layout for it from reduced repair bills. This was really something I could do with out now, I've got weddings and stuff to pay for damn it. I decide to have another look at the car while I wait.
I sit in the car, it's still not working. Despondently looking out of the side window I breathe out a large sigh lean my head back and close my eyes. I open my eyes and look down at the steering wheel, there's time for one last try then I need to go and catch the bus.
"Please work"
I turn the key and........nothing.
"Oooh! You stupid worthless piece of junk! I'm going to sell you for scrap!" I smash my hand against the dashboard, give the gear stick a harsh shove and then slowly bow my head onto the steering wheel.
"Why do you hate me so" I ask the universe in general.
I open the car door to leave and give the key one last turn. I was wrong. It doesn’t sound like a lion; it sounds like a mighty dragon, powerful but graceful as the engine comes to life. I blink my eyes scratch my head and after muttering a confused bloody hell I set off to work.
On my way I notice that the petrol is very low. So after a quick agonising weigh up about weather I can make it to work then to a garage to get the car looked at, or just straight to a garage and ringing work to tell them I'll be even later. I keep coming up that I really don't have enough petrol in the tank to make it to work let alone to a garage so I pull into a petrol station to get myself some liquid petroleum distillate.
"Please, please, please." I turn the engine off.
"Please, please, please." I get out of the car.
"Please, please, please." I put my card in and enter the PIN
"Please, please, please." I pick up the nozzle and put it in the car.
"Please, please, please." I pay too much for the petrol and put the nozzle back.
"Please, please, please." I get back in the car.
"Please, please, please." I turn the key.
"Fuck, fuck, FUUUUUCK!" I turn the key again, the lights on the dashboard come on and look ready for action but that's it. Ok, remain calm, I run the gear stick along it's lines the return it to park. I gently caress the car and whisper sweetly to it, I feel a bit disturbed but there is a queue forming behind me and I'll try anything right now. I try turning the key again and still the engine doesn't show any signs of life, when minutes before it had been running fine. I push against the steering wheel and gear stick, pushing myself back in the seat then relax letting out a massive sigh.
"Just work." I beg then try the key again. The engine fires up letting out its mighty roar like a hell hound bounding to my side.
I take the car to work and decide to call a garage from there to decide what's best to do. I pull into the car park and park up. As I'm getting out I notice a red crystal light on the gear stick at the base of the neck. Funny I don't recall it ever having that. I turn and a closer look reveals it to be one of the Wine gums that had fallen down there when we'd been driving back from the festival on Saturday, I thought we’d got all the ones we’d dropped but apparently not. I disgustedly threw it out the car, and pick up all the other rubbish stuff it into a bag and head into work.
I sit down at my desk and then the flash backs of realisation hit me. Every time the car had started I'd applied some forward force just before to the gear stick. My current car is a automatic and the gear stick just runs along a straight groove from top to bottom.
The Wine Gum had been in the groove between the front of the stick and the top part of the slide that it runs along, which made it just out of being in park. Wine Gums are squishy so every time I'd applied some force it had squished up and the stick had been in park and able to start, but after time the Wine Gum had expanded and the stick could no longer get fully into park. I returned to the car and tested the theory and yes; that would appear to be what happened.
Damn it.
The car is full of various empty sandwich boxes and empty sweet wrappers from the weekend trip; it's a bit of a mess really. I slip the key into the ignition and turn it one turn, the dash lights come on and I reach round and put my seatbelt on, it makes a satisfying click as it locks in place. I turn the key again to start the engine.
Now I'm not a big fancy high flying hot shot city mechanic but I would suspect at this point the engine should roar into life like some sort of mighty beast, possibly a lion or maybe a Wyvern. It should not, I suspect, do nothing. That's right a big fact nothing. The engine doesn't even attempt to start. The dashboard lights sit there alight saying everything is ship shape and ready to go. I apply my IT training to the problem and turn it all off then turn it all back on again. My master plan to sort it out is greeted with the same results.
I pop the bonnet up and have a look under it. Everything looks ship shape; it all looks good there are no leaks or anything. I try reseating a lot of the cables then try the car again, but still nothing.
Time is now ticking on and I'm now going to be late for work so I retreat to the house and to tell them that I'm going to be late for work because my car wouldn't start. I open the door to the stench of Golgotha. Like some sort of floppy eared, wet nosed ninja Cujo had sneaked down the stairs the instant I was out of the door and left me a large present for when I got home. I informed her that I did not want her present and cleaned it up and through it out. I then phoned work. The helpdesk monkey took my tirade of abuse about my car in his stride and happily told me that he'd pass the message on. After checking on the internet for bus times and finding I had a twenty minute wait so after having a ponderence on what to do about the car. This was a car that was meant to be saving me money after my initial layout for it from reduced repair bills. This was really something I could do with out now, I've got weddings and stuff to pay for damn it. I decide to have another look at the car while I wait.
I sit in the car, it's still not working. Despondently looking out of the side window I breathe out a large sigh lean my head back and close my eyes. I open my eyes and look down at the steering wheel, there's time for one last try then I need to go and catch the bus.
"Please work"
I turn the key and........nothing.
"Oooh! You stupid worthless piece of junk! I'm going to sell you for scrap!" I smash my hand against the dashboard, give the gear stick a harsh shove and then slowly bow my head onto the steering wheel.
"Why do you hate me so" I ask the universe in general.
I open the car door to leave and give the key one last turn. I was wrong. It doesn’t sound like a lion; it sounds like a mighty dragon, powerful but graceful as the engine comes to life. I blink my eyes scratch my head and after muttering a confused bloody hell I set off to work.
On my way I notice that the petrol is very low. So after a quick agonising weigh up about weather I can make it to work then to a garage to get the car looked at, or just straight to a garage and ringing work to tell them I'll be even later. I keep coming up that I really don't have enough petrol in the tank to make it to work let alone to a garage so I pull into a petrol station to get myself some liquid petroleum distillate.
"Please, please, please." I turn the engine off.
"Please, please, please." I get out of the car.
"Please, please, please." I put my card in and enter the PIN
"Please, please, please." I pick up the nozzle and put it in the car.
"Please, please, please." I pay too much for the petrol and put the nozzle back.
"Please, please, please." I get back in the car.
"Please, please, please." I turn the key.
"Fuck, fuck, FUUUUUCK!" I turn the key again, the lights on the dashboard come on and look ready for action but that's it. Ok, remain calm, I run the gear stick along it's lines the return it to park. I gently caress the car and whisper sweetly to it, I feel a bit disturbed but there is a queue forming behind me and I'll try anything right now. I try turning the key again and still the engine doesn't show any signs of life, when minutes before it had been running fine. I push against the steering wheel and gear stick, pushing myself back in the seat then relax letting out a massive sigh.
"Just work." I beg then try the key again. The engine fires up letting out its mighty roar like a hell hound bounding to my side.
I take the car to work and decide to call a garage from there to decide what's best to do. I pull into the car park and park up. As I'm getting out I notice a red crystal light on the gear stick at the base of the neck. Funny I don't recall it ever having that. I turn and a closer look reveals it to be one of the Wine gums that had fallen down there when we'd been driving back from the festival on Saturday, I thought we’d got all the ones we’d dropped but apparently not. I disgustedly threw it out the car, and pick up all the other rubbish stuff it into a bag and head into work.
I sit down at my desk and then the flash backs of realisation hit me. Every time the car had started I'd applied some forward force just before to the gear stick. My current car is a automatic and the gear stick just runs along a straight groove from top to bottom.
The Wine Gum had been in the groove between the front of the stick and the top part of the slide that it runs along, which made it just out of being in park. Wine Gums are squishy so every time I'd applied some force it had squished up and the stick had been in park and able to start, but after time the Wine Gum had expanded and the stick could no longer get fully into park. I returned to the car and tested the theory and yes; that would appear to be what happened.
Damn it.
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