Hosepipe Ban


Here in sunny ol' England we have a ancient and proud tradition that occures with out fail every year, the hosepipe ban. Although up here in the hills we haven't recieved notice of a hosepipe ban up here in the hills 1. the southern ponces are getting it stuck to them and we've heard some damn daft things as well. This year some Minister is telling us to use a washing-up bowl and turn the tap off when we brush our teeth. I asked my mum about this teeth thing and apparantly they trot this out occasionally as well:

Urging people in the South East to use water wisely, he (Environment Minister Ian Pearson) said they should not leave the tap running when they brushed their teeth and should ensure their washing machines had full loads.

“It’s surely right to make take early prompt action now and the message to consumers in the South East now to use water responsibly can, I think, make sure we don’t need to take more extreme measures at a later stage,” he said.

We’re all in this together, chaps! Let’s all do our bit! Only of course we’re not in it together…

The idea of the inhabitants of East Surrey queuing for water at standpipes later this summer is a rich one. The area south-west of London, which used to be called the stockbroker belt, is home to some of the wealthiest, most water-profligate people in Britain. The 340 sq mile patch served by the water company includes 50 golf courses, each using up to 7m litres of water a season, 2,000 private swimming pools and possibly the most power showers and dishwashers a square metre outside central London. East Surrey’s consumers use an average 170 litres of water each a day, at least 20% more than the national figure. The company hopes the drought may cut water use in the area by 25%.

“They have to be joking,” said Ian, a driver in Cobham, yesterday. “People around here would rather bath in Perrier than go without. If it came to standpipes, they would take on more staff to queue for them. I would say most people round here haven’t a clue there is even a drought. Droughts do not happen to rich people.” (Guardian)

Now then I know what your thinking, that I'm going to prattle on about the overprivileged upper-middles, but I don't think I need to really that extract speaks for itself I would think.

It’s actually the government I'm going to have a go at. Every year, they wheel out a minister who we've never even heard of to help us thickos who just don’t know how to use water properly. If only we'd be more sensible and listen to our betters we wouldn’t be in this jam. I mean we'd really be up the creak 2. without a paddle wouldn't we unless you came out and told us the same things year after year.

Now to be fair I used to actaully care about saving water and doing my bit back in the day before they privatised the water companys so surely they should be sorting out the water problem, after all they are losing 1/4 of our water through pipes and general poor maintanance, but it alright the government has steped in:

Water companies also needed to “up their game” in plugging leaks, he said.

Well that's good to know isn't it. Except their going to do the same thing that they do every year when the government tells them to do this. Bugger all I hear you cry? Well not quiet what they do is tell everyone they'll sort it out but will need to up everyones water bill and net themselves a nice big fat bonus for the shareholders, then, and only then mind will they do bugger all.

Thames Water defended its leakage record, saying it was hampered by the age of pipes, the region’s clay soil and heavy traffic. This week its parent company, RWE, said operating profit rose 17 per cent in the first quarter (Independent)

If you want the government to do anything about it then you'd have a natianal water company wouldn't you, you commie!



1. Actually come to think of it we had a hosepipe ban back in 1980 somthing and I don't think it was ever lifted maybe it's still in effect and I've been using a hosepipe illegally.

2.Admittadly it would be a dry creak so then you could get out and walk but that kind of messes up the metaphor so erm lets say you be erm out of a plane without a parachute.