I Fought The Law.....
Breaking the law, breaking the law!
Driving home from Leeds after the gig last night I got a little lost and was switching lanes quiet a lot. When I got pulled over by the police.
"Is this your car. Sir." Intones the policeman at my window, with a shaved head and dressed in what would appear to be the riot uniform style he looks ready to dish out some rough justice.
"Yes" I reply
"I smell beer have you been drinking. Sir" He's really got that sir down to be a insult rather then just a address.
The other occupants of the car have been drinking and that's probably what you can smell, I guarantee what you smell on me is sweat from the gig, and maybe I soiled myself a little when I saw you but that's it.
"yeah I had a pint earlier"
"A pint?"
"Yeah of Fosters"
"Mmmm hmmmm"
"yup"
"How long ago was that"
"About 30 - 40 minutes ago"
"okay come with me"
He marches me off to his van, where a identical college of his is lurking. His colleague slides open the side door and the first policeman orders me in and tells me to take a seat. He nearly forgets the sir but manages to sneer it out at the last moment.
"So is that your car"
Yes are you a complete idiot I already told you it was
"Yes it's my car"
"Dave" He says turning to his colleague "Get the breath testing kit. I suspect he's intoxicated." He says this with dramatic flare which is then rather let down when his colleague can't find one in the van and shrugs at the first office.
"Get another unit down here with one then" Says the first officer. With that the second officer (who would appear to be called Dave) steps to one side and speaks into his radio.
While we wait for another unit to arrive with a breath tester the first officer asks me several question.
"What's your age"
"24"
"Where do you live"
I tell him
"what's your date of birth"
"29 August 1981"
"Is this your car?"
For the last fricking time it's my sodding car. Are you a total moron! Oh wait I see this is some cunning trick where I'm meant to slip up and say no. If I did steal this car do you think I'd be stupid enough to slip up like that?
"Yes it's my car"
I think I must of said this in a rather annoyed manner or something as this is the last time he bothers to ask me this.
"So how much have you had to drink"
Again with this? Christ man do you only know the repeating question trick!?
"A pint of Fosters 30-40 minutes ago."
"Well the reason I stopped you is I believe that your drunk. We'll see soon enough want the breathaliser gets here. We'll know how much you've had. And if it says your over the limit we'll haul your arse down to the station and arrest you." He leans over me as he says this last part.
Gulp. It would appear you also know intimidation as well. Ooo eck I was at Ians house warming last night and drank a lot off alcohol (about enough to kill a medium size Rhino). How long does alcohol stay in the system. Eeeeep
"So where have you been tonight. Sir."
"Oh my band have been playing a gig and we're just on our way back"
"where from"
Fudgesticks what's the name of the pub....erm
"erm.... arrrr...."
Christ what is it! There's been so many
"erm the Primrose"
"where's that"
"I don't know I followed someone in. That's why I'm lost trying to get home"
He eyes me and holds my gaze for a while.
"Right I'm going to talk to your passengers."
And with that he marches off towards my car.
Leaving me alone in the van until Officer Dave steps in and attempts rather unsuccessfully to adopt a good cop persona.
"You know it's easy to drink too much. It's different for each person how much they drink before they get drunk. I myself can drink two pints and be fine to drive."
Yeah nice one Dave. Like I'm going to fall for that and say. "yeah I know man I've had 5 pints to drink (I hadn't just the one as stated) and I'm fine to drive man."
I bite my tongue again and just make a none committal Mmmm
Officer Dave seems to take offence at this and adopts the same posture as the first policeman and also informs me that they can haul my arse back to the station and arrest me, these two have definitely watched too many American cop shows.
The first officer comes back from my car and motions the second officer out they whisper in hushed tones but seem a little upset. Seemingly what ever the guys back in the car told him must coincide with what I said, which would be the truth, I breath a small sigh of releaf I was worried that Daryl might try to make things better for my by stretching the truth. The two officers stand out side looking a bit confused on what to do.
They're saved when a police car pulls up and two generally normal looking officers step out, a WPO and a rather camp looking PO. This seems to kick the first officer who almost bounds into the van and runs quickly through the breath test
"So just blow into this and then we'll see how much you've really had"
Oh crude it'll be just my luck for this to come back positive. Oh well here goes
I blow into the machine. We wait.
Ians party crude how long does alcohol stay in your system! Tittybiscits. Why does this always happen to me
The machine bleeps. The policeman eyes it for a minute. Looks at me and demands
"Again."
I blow into the machine.
Of course there's no way this is going to come back positive. Is there?
It beeps again. The police man eyes it for a minute. Then barely audibly says
"Passed"
I yo face beeehatch!
"That would be a pass then? Showing that I'm not over the limit then? So I can go then?"
"You may not be over the limit this time but.." He trails off here a little
"Can I go"
A quiet "yeah"
As I start walking back to the car he gets out of the van
"DAVE! Did you run a background check on him"
"No"
"Do it!"
Dave speaks into his radio requesting the information. As the first officer looks at me. I look back.
Don't be a fool you demean us both with this. You've lost face it. Humm should I shout out "eep the bodies!" Probably not
The check unsurprisingly comes back negative.
"Can I go now?"
Silence.
"Can I have my keys and go now"
The keys are handed over and I make my way back to the car. Officer Dave follows me and to be fair just warned me to take my driving a bit more steady and this wouldn't happen again. The first officer stands by the van looking rather perturbed.
Sitting back in my car I breath a huge sigh and realise I'm wearing my mock Moterhead t-shirt, the one that says Pisshead instead of Motorhead. Humm probably not the best clothing item to be wearing.
I fought the law and I won.
NOTE: At no point did I actually break the law it would appear that these police officers had it in for me. I think they saw a comparativly young guy driving a car full of young uns and thought it was stolen (it was a dodgy area of Leeds and my driving was a bit shaky due to lostness) and when they couldn't make that stick they went for the drunk driver charge.
Breaking the law, breaking the law!
Driving home from Leeds after the gig last night I got a little lost and was switching lanes quiet a lot. When I got pulled over by the police.
"Is this your car. Sir." Intones the policeman at my window, with a shaved head and dressed in what would appear to be the riot uniform style he looks ready to dish out some rough justice.
"Yes" I reply
"I smell beer have you been drinking. Sir" He's really got that sir down to be a insult rather then just a address.
The other occupants of the car have been drinking and that's probably what you can smell, I guarantee what you smell on me is sweat from the gig, and maybe I soiled myself a little when I saw you but that's it.
"yeah I had a pint earlier"
"A pint?"
"Yeah of Fosters"
"Mmmm hmmmm"
"yup"
"How long ago was that"
"About 30 - 40 minutes ago"
"okay come with me"
He marches me off to his van, where a identical college of his is lurking. His colleague slides open the side door and the first policeman orders me in and tells me to take a seat. He nearly forgets the sir but manages to sneer it out at the last moment.
"So is that your car"
Yes are you a complete idiot I already told you it was
"Yes it's my car"
"Dave" He says turning to his colleague "Get the breath testing kit. I suspect he's intoxicated." He says this with dramatic flare which is then rather let down when his colleague can't find one in the van and shrugs at the first office.
"Get another unit down here with one then" Says the first officer. With that the second officer (who would appear to be called Dave) steps to one side and speaks into his radio.
While we wait for another unit to arrive with a breath tester the first officer asks me several question.
"What's your age"
"24"
"Where do you live"
I tell him
"what's your date of birth"
"29 August 1981"
"Is this your car?"
For the last fricking time it's my sodding car. Are you a total moron! Oh wait I see this is some cunning trick where I'm meant to slip up and say no. If I did steal this car do you think I'd be stupid enough to slip up like that?
"Yes it's my car"
I think I must of said this in a rather annoyed manner or something as this is the last time he bothers to ask me this.
"So how much have you had to drink"
Again with this? Christ man do you only know the repeating question trick!?
"A pint of Fosters 30-40 minutes ago."
"Well the reason I stopped you is I believe that your drunk. We'll see soon enough want the breathaliser gets here. We'll know how much you've had. And if it says your over the limit we'll haul your arse down to the station and arrest you." He leans over me as he says this last part.
Gulp. It would appear you also know intimidation as well. Ooo eck I was at Ians house warming last night and drank a lot off alcohol (about enough to kill a medium size Rhino). How long does alcohol stay in the system. Eeeeep
"So where have you been tonight. Sir."
"Oh my band have been playing a gig and we're just on our way back"
"where from"
Fudgesticks what's the name of the pub....erm
"erm.... arrrr...."
Christ what is it! There's been so many
"erm the Primrose"
"where's that"
"I don't know I followed someone in. That's why I'm lost trying to get home"
He eyes me and holds my gaze for a while.
"Right I'm going to talk to your passengers."
And with that he marches off towards my car.
Leaving me alone in the van until Officer Dave steps in and attempts rather unsuccessfully to adopt a good cop persona.
"You know it's easy to drink too much. It's different for each person how much they drink before they get drunk. I myself can drink two pints and be fine to drive."
Yeah nice one Dave. Like I'm going to fall for that and say. "yeah I know man I've had 5 pints to drink (I hadn't just the one as stated) and I'm fine to drive man."
I bite my tongue again and just make a none committal Mmmm
Officer Dave seems to take offence at this and adopts the same posture as the first policeman and also informs me that they can haul my arse back to the station and arrest me, these two have definitely watched too many American cop shows.
The first officer comes back from my car and motions the second officer out they whisper in hushed tones but seem a little upset. Seemingly what ever the guys back in the car told him must coincide with what I said, which would be the truth, I breath a small sigh of releaf I was worried that Daryl might try to make things better for my by stretching the truth. The two officers stand out side looking a bit confused on what to do.
They're saved when a police car pulls up and two generally normal looking officers step out, a WPO and a rather camp looking PO. This seems to kick the first officer who almost bounds into the van and runs quickly through the breath test
"So just blow into this and then we'll see how much you've really had"
Oh crude it'll be just my luck for this to come back positive. Oh well here goes
I blow into the machine. We wait.
Ians party crude how long does alcohol stay in your system! Tittybiscits. Why does this always happen to me
The machine bleeps. The policeman eyes it for a minute. Looks at me and demands
"Again."
I blow into the machine.
Of course there's no way this is going to come back positive. Is there?
It beeps again. The police man eyes it for a minute. Then barely audibly says
"Passed"
I yo face beeehatch!
"That would be a pass then? Showing that I'm not over the limit then? So I can go then?"
"You may not be over the limit this time but.." He trails off here a little
"Can I go"
A quiet "yeah"
As I start walking back to the car he gets out of the van
"DAVE! Did you run a background check on him"
"No"
"Do it!"
Dave speaks into his radio requesting the information. As the first officer looks at me. I look back.
Don't be a fool you demean us both with this. You've lost face it. Humm should I shout out "eep the bodies!" Probably not
The check unsurprisingly comes back negative.
"Can I go now?"
Silence.
"Can I have my keys and go now"
The keys are handed over and I make my way back to the car. Officer Dave follows me and to be fair just warned me to take my driving a bit more steady and this wouldn't happen again. The first officer stands by the van looking rather perturbed.
Sitting back in my car I breath a huge sigh and realise I'm wearing my mock Moterhead t-shirt, the one that says Pisshead instead of Motorhead. Humm probably not the best clothing item to be wearing.
I fought the law and I won.
NOTE: At no point did I actually break the law it would appear that these police officers had it in for me. I think they saw a comparativly young guy driving a car full of young uns and thought it was stolen (it was a dodgy area of Leeds and my driving was a bit shaky due to lostness) and when they couldn't make that stick they went for the drunk driver charge.
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